Hi there. Miss me?

Quick update: Better. Much Better. I've kept my mind focused on what I have now, rather than what I don't have. And even though the thought is still there, it doesn't bother me as much as it used to. It's like being myself all over again, and doing what I can do for myself until the door of opportunity opens up for that special someone again. Until then, it's time to be greedy :) So on that note..

I want to take this time to thank some people, who've been there when I needed company.

The David's.. Yes, my weird and fun family. It may seem like I'm always wanting to get away and may sometimes feel like I'm never at home, when in actuality I am at home. I only talk about leaving Bremerton because I want to meet new people, not leave my family of course. Why would I want to leave home-cooked meals right when I come home from school? or FREE groceries?! or just that simple family-feeling you get when your around them?.. not me. So thank you for your company. Even you Charity! Even though you're not here, the fact that we get to make fun of you and you can't say anything about it, makes it feel like your here! baaahahahha!

The Fam.. The guys from the Bremer-Dale. Even though I haven't been around to hang out much lately, you guys always make me feel like I'm still part of the group. I hope you guys understand that my absence is just me trying to get my life moving in the direction I want it to go, and I am not trying to leave you guys behind. You guys have been there since day 1, and I know I can look to you guys for some straight up good fun. Don't worry, once I get some cash flow into my wallet, you will see me more often. And if/when I move out to Seattle, you guys are more than welcome to visit! Thanks guys.

The Seattle Crew.. To the new friends I have gained in my recent losses, what else could a guy looking for some new faces ask for?! Foreals. You company is a blessing even when we don't do shit! haha.. but when we do end up going out or making plans, your company is fucking nuts I tell yah. And I know there will be more fun times to come, and hopefully more new faces.. you know what I mean?! hehe.. thanks for letting me crash at your places, letting me tag along in your plans, opening my eyes to a healthier life, and just being there when times were rough. I hope some day I can give back what you guys have given me! and those not in Seattle [Joe, Steph, Dwinson, + more] although we may not see eachother much, you guys rock as much as the Seattle-heads, and I thank you guy too!

So yes, I am back to my norms. Unfortunately, I can not promise this is permanent for my heart likes to act differently than my head does at times. But you all know that I am [somewhat] of a smart person, and that I can handle my shit, no matter what. And I know you guys will either back me up with my decisions or tell me straight up when I'm being an ass.

Upcoming things:
+ More updates on the CrossFit Log; I like CF. it makes me happy.
+ Glow In the Dark Tour APRIL 16th! FLOOR SEATS BABY! pics to come later!
+ Mariners games this season.. yeeeeeuuuuhhh, beer garden :)
+ Spring = More Sun [I hope]! = More outdoor recreational stuff! weeee!
+ Drunkin Seattle stories?? cmon, I'm young.. duh.
+ School stress.. greeeaaaaaat :/
+ New friends.. if you know what I mean ;) ..GIRLS idiot. shit, do I have to draw you a map?!
+ Out-of-State Trips?! hmm.. we'll see.

so see you kiddos next time! oh yeah, IM AWESOME.

[marc]

i can't stop..

for the past few months, i've been trying to move on from a long relationship that ended, and it seems to be going well. except for those few times when i would let my guard down too much and begin to think to myself about what could be. most of the time, im doing good tho. we don't talk very much [rarely actually], and we MAYBE see eachother once in a blue moon, except for just recently.

anyways, i know i shouldn't be thinking about it but the thought sits in the back of my mind constantly, like.... like a tiny smudge on white sneakers; the smudge is hardly noticeable to anyone, but everytime it catches me, i can't stop thinking about it. since this is MY blog, i felt i needed to vent out a little bit more.. as you can see, im slowly creeping away from how i was feeling recently. now the thought doesn't bother me in a sense, but its JUST THERE, yannoe?

so, being my usual self and listening to music and studying [studying may not be usual, but you get the idea], my music was randomly playing when i hear this song. It's great for the moment. or so i think. anyways, this may seem like im only hurting myself by listening to something like this, but honestly it helps me. i used to listen to slow jams when we first broke up, and i ended up alright. so yes.. music, how you take words from my thoughts and put them into lyrics, i envy you.



great song. hope a video comes out for it.. if not this song, then either Role Play or We Should Be. anyways there you have it. theres more on my mind but i think i need to rest up!

[marc]

my dashboard confessional..

Best Day This Week:
Thursday

This Week's Advice:
Your involvement with groups will raise your self-esteem.

Don't fall into the trap.

Keep a lookout for any individuals eager to confront you with unsavory situations.

Try not to discuss important matters with colleagues.

SOURCE

Now typically I wouldn't look at my horoscope, but for some reason I did.. and damn. foreals? The description is close to how I feel already so I'm somewhat believing it.. for now that is. Lately I've been doing some thinking. Actually, I've been doing A LOT of thinking. So much thinking that I'm losing sleep from it. Sunday night I stayed up until 5am tossing and turning in bed, listening to music on my Blackberry, and contemplating if I should have just gotten up and done something, like pushups and squats until my body was too tired to stand or think.

So to this weeks advice.. "Your involvement with groups will raise your self-esteem" ..OF COURSE. Nothing helps more than interaction with others. Doing something to keep my mind off things is a definite plus.

"Don't fall into the trap" .. too late. I wouldn't neccessarily call it a trap, but maybe a "momentary laps of judgement." I expect one thing going into the situation, but come out with a slap in the face.

"Keep a lookout for any individuals eager to confront you with unsavory situations." ..whatever, bring it. either deal with it now, or let the problem grow. Do I come off very blunt? hmm..

"Try not to discuss important matters with colleagues." .. uhh. okay. no discussions. check!

Last week would have been the 7yr anniversary. Right before that day, I caught a ride with her back to Bremerton. The ride was normal; we caught up on how things were and talked about some random things. In the back of my mind I was thinking about us, but I kept it to myself. We grabbed a light snack at a restaurant we used to eat at, and chatted for awhile, then got dropped home. The next day, anniversary day, was just another day of reminder. I couldn't stop thinking about it. It was a long day.

So now I don't know what it is. It's not that I want to be with her [maybe I do, but that's not what bothers me], or that she has a boyfriend, or that things just don't work out for some reason. I think the thing that's been bothering me the most is just the thought of her. I spend my days like I used to when we first broke up, just thinking about her constantly, trying to find things to do to keep my mind off of it. I read somewhere that the only thing that heals a broken heart is time, and that's what helped me the most. I guess that's all I can do.. I want to keep talking to her though, but part of me says "You'll end up back at square one." I dont know.

I don't know where I was going with this, but I just had to get it out of my system. Maybe I can sleep better at nights, or maybe my days will get easier. Either one will suffice.

**update** while typing this, I actually feel some of the weight being lifted off my shoulder. i hope i can sleep!

[marc]

Flowers?! for me?! you shouldn't have ;)

February 14: Valentine's Day.

WARNING: This blog about V-Day is written in perspective of a MAN. I already know what I'm getting myself into, but hey, I've got nothing to lose.

Now, we all know the story of Valentine's Day, so I'm not going to bore you with it. Some people like to use this time as A DAY to celebrate their beautiful relationship with their partner, maybe by a bouquet of flowers, chocolate, candle lit dinner for 2, soft love music playing in the background, etc etc.. yet, of course we've all heard it before..

WHY JUST ONE DAY?! of course we shouldn't focus on just one day to show others we love them.. it should be a natural thing we do throughout or lives. Again, we know this too. And again, I will not bore you with knowledge you already have, or should have.

I'm not here to lecture, I'm here to let you in on how i feel about Valentine's Day. I am one of those who would say
"Valentine's Day?! but.. didn't I just take you out to dinner?!"

I think Valentine's Day isn't for everyone, meaning it's for those who have such a busy schedule trying to raise a family, it's sort of a "reminder," and since Saint Valentine is celebrated this day, why not kill two birds with one stone? Seriously, not EVERYONE is perfect, so of course we will have one of those years where things just get so hectic during life, you need a little reminder. So yeah, a celebration for your relationship should be done throughout time, but I feel for those who are just caught up in things. And the 14th is the day you both can share that one moment throughout your busy schedule.

I'm not perfect, so I may have not shown it so much during V-day, but I'm sure I was able to show it during the relationship, I mean why else would it last so long? I'm not bragging, but then again, shit.. people don't call me "BOMB in the form of man" or "10%" for nothing ;)

So how do I feel about V-day? It sucks. It's sort of a reminder for me.. that during all that time I did the little things, and the big things, I have nothing to show for it. Yeah so I may be a bit greedy, but thats what happens when you put someone else before your own needs. But for me, my needs were to make someone else happy.

There is no greater feeling than putting a smile on someone's face. Your heart pitter patters, your knees get weak, you get a rush of feelings in all your senses.. overall it's probably the greatest high you can get, or so I think. So yeah I should have been thinking of myself, to be more independent and all, but I'd rather go through life knowing I could make someone smile so much, and not reach my "dream life". Maybe that is my dream life; make someone happy, THEN be successful. Maybe my success is found in other peoples happiness.. hmm..

Valentine's Day gives me mixed feelings. A single person having to endure the day where two people who are attracted to each other celebrate their relationship. GREAT. thanks for reminding me IM SINGLE. But then again, thanks for reminding me IM SINGLE. and YOUNG. and I know I can express my love also, maybe even better than you! and right now is not the time, but time will pass and I will have my Valentine's Day. SHE will have MY Valentine's Day, and it may not be celebrated on the 14th of February, but rather on the days I want to remind her how much I care.

There you have it. MARC and V-Day. have a good one everyone, and if you don't have that other person by your side, don't fret. Your day will come, and you will make it the best V-Day for that special someone. I know I will.

Musiq Soulchild "Love"

Many days I've longed for you
Wanting you
Hoping for the chance to get to know you
Longing for your kiss
For your kiss, for your touch, for your feel, for your essense
Many nights I've cried from the things you do
Felt like I could die from the thought of losing you
I know that you're real
With no doubt, and no fears
And no questions

Love
So many people use your name in vain
Love
Those who have faith in you sometimes go astray
Love
Through all the ups and downs, the joy and hurt
Love
For better or worse I still will choose you first

[marc]