Tuesday, April 1, 2008

my dashboard confessional..

Best Day This Week:

This Week's Advice:
Your involvement with groups will raise your self-esteem.

Don't fall into the trap.

Keep a lookout for any individuals eager to confront you with unsavory situations.

Try not to discuss important matters with colleagues.


Now typically I wouldn't look at my horoscope, but for some reason I did.. and damn. foreals? The description is close to how I feel already so I'm somewhat believing it.. for now that is. Lately I've been doing some thinking. Actually, I've been doing A LOT of thinking. So much thinking that I'm losing sleep from it. Sunday night I stayed up until 5am tossing and turning in bed, listening to music on my Blackberry, and contemplating if I should have just gotten up and done something, like pushups and squats until my body was too tired to stand or think.

So to this weeks advice.. "Your involvement with groups will raise your self-esteem" ..OF COURSE. Nothing helps more than interaction with others. Doing something to keep my mind off things is a definite plus.

"Don't fall into the trap" .. too late. I wouldn't neccessarily call it a trap, but maybe a "momentary laps of judgement." I expect one thing going into the situation, but come out with a slap in the face.

"Keep a lookout for any individuals eager to confront you with unsavory situations." ..whatever, bring it. either deal with it now, or let the problem grow. Do I come off very blunt? hmm..

"Try not to discuss important matters with colleagues."
.. uhh. okay. no discussions. check!

Last week would have been the 7yr anniversary. Right before that day, I caught a ride with her back to Bremerton. The ride was normal; we caught up on how things were and talked about some random things. In the back of my mind I was thinking about us, but I kept it to myself. We grabbed a light snack at a restaurant we used to eat at, and chatted for awhile, then got dropped home. The next day, anniversary day, was just another day of reminder. I couldn't stop thinking about it. It was a long day.

So now I don't know what it is. It's not that I want to be with her [maybe I do, but that's not what bothers me], or that she has a boyfriend, or that things just don't work out for some reason. I think the thing that's been bothering me the most is just the thought of her. I spend my days like I used to when we first broke up, just thinking about her constantly, trying to find things to do to keep my mind off of it. I read somewhere that the only thing that heals a broken heart is time, and that's what helped me the most. I guess that's all I can do.. I want to keep talking to her though, but part of me says "You'll end up back at square one." I dont know.

I don't know where I was going with this, but I just had to get it out of my system. Maybe I can sleep better at nights, or maybe my days will get easier. Either one will suffice.

**update** while typing this, I actually feel some of the weight being lifted off my shoulder. i hope i can sleep!