boys & girls, not men & women

I can't sleep. I got tired earlier in the day after coming home from the gym, so I decided to take a little nap, only 1 hour, no biggy. It's 3:30 in the morning, and I think I can blame it on the fact that I took a nap AND had caramel macchiato espresso around 9:15pm. I tried laying down in bed already; no luck. I do this thing where I close my eyes and think randomly for about 10 minutes, then I open them to see if I'm tired. Usually I forget to open them, meaning I'm sleeping, or I open them slowly, another sign of my body telling me I'm tired. This time.. this time I open my eyes and I feel like it's mid-afternoon except its dark. Might as well make use of this time.. BLOG.

Not too long ago I had a discussion with a friend about messing with "girls/boys" and looking for "women/men." Being in our early 20's [thank Gaaahhd it's still early], we fit in the area where some of us finally mature, yet there are most of us who still act like kids. We hear it all the time, of people saying

"UGH! why must I always deal with BOYS?! I need a REAL MAN in my life!" or "I'm so tired of these GIRLS.. I need a WOMAN in my life."

It's tough separating the two maturity levels from each other, because so many factors come into play. Age, friends, job, goals, qualities, hobbies, free time, likes/dislikes, interests, etc. The list can go on, depending on the perspective. For me, I find myself jumping over the fence from time to time. I feel like I live in an area where maturity takes longer to process for most of us. But at the same time, I'm comfortable with it, seeing that I still do the same things I would do as a 'BOY'.. I may not be MAN from peoples perspective, but I like to think I'm on the right path. But I'm sure many think exactly the way I do, so I'm no different than anyone else. But there are times when you can truly tell who is "maturing" rather than "growing up," which are two totally different things.

In a nut shell.. "Growing up" would be aging with time, getting a job or going to school, and just coasting through life. "Maturing" includes the same, but ALSO a change in the quality of yourself. You think differently, do what's in the best interest for your future, face problems head strong, being responsible for your own actions, focusing on the important things in life.. You know, pretty much cutting down on the bullshit and being REAL.

One thing that stands out the most, and its only because I've seen it many times recently, and I'm sorry for singling out the ladies [or 'girls'] out there, is how they extend a relationship knowing that the idea of breaking up is closing in on their time. I'm sure guys do it too, but right now, I've only seen ladies doing this. I don't understand it. If you know it's going to happen, MATURE already and get it over with. Once you ask yourself

"Is this relationship worth it? Is it going where I want it to go? I don't know what to do.."

and you've done this on many occasions, you have the answer already! You just don't want to realize it! Extending the time makes it difficult on both parties [and third parties, if there are..]. Both are bound to get hurt, so why make it harder by waiting until a certain moment. THERE IS NO GOOD TIME TO BREAK UP! BREAK UPS ARE ALWAYS BAD [unless its mutual]. Today you may be thinking it's time to break up, but Dude might be thinking its time to take it to the next level by tomorrow.

We only learn from taking action. We always ask ourselves many things through life, yet maybe 80% of the time those questions become "What If.." that you get to spend the rest of your life thinking about! Great, right?! Not. I'm not saying to go and do EVERYTHING you always wondered about, but be MATURE. Quit with the bullshit and deal with what's going to come of certain situations, rather than waiting it out, like it's going to be easier the longer you let it sit, like its a hot cup of tea.. It's not. It's water on a hot stove; The earlier you take it off, the more easy it will be to consume, rather than when you drink hot ass water and you burn your taste buds off and have to endure the pain and shitty feeling you get after [wow, that was a better metaphor than i expected]. I've had my "taste buds burnt" and got the "shitty feeling after" and it sucks. It took LONG to realize what happened, but I think I've come to terms with it, and I like to think I have a better understanding of it. Of course, there's still a small part of me that is bitter, but it's much smaller than what it used to be.

I hate writing this long. I forget the moral of this stuff.. This is where it gets a bit random. What's the title again? Oh yeah, boys/girls..men/women.. So yeah, I'm not hating on the boys/girls. I'm just saying if you want to find a man/woman, then act like one. You only find those who are in the same boat as you. If you end up with a boy, you probably acted like a girl. If you try and change yourself, you might end up with another person trying to mature also. Maturing in a relationship is possible, just as long as YOU mature. You and your partner would/should feed off each others presence, therefore mature together. Monkey see, monkey do, yeah? I like to think so. I had a partner once, and we matured together. Along the way I became childish, she fed off of my presence, and now I long for who she USED to be [and still is on the inside, I know it. Cause I know I'm still the same]. So do yourself a favor, and think about what you do. Mature as you grow up. I'll do the same.

**Damn, not sleepy yet. just hungry :(

[marc]

Travis does it again.

Travis Barker does his own rendition of Flo-Rida's "Low" on his drum set.



Talented fella I tell ya. music is awesome.
* also did Soulja Boy's "Crank Dat," awhile back. check that out if you havent seen it.

[marc]

Wrappin' it up!

April 16 [Wednesday]: GLOW IN THE DARK TOUR, SEATTLE WA.


This show was amazing. Me and a few friends were lucky enough to score some floor seat tickets so we were absolutely hyped up for the show. We arrived a bit late due to some traffic, but luckily only missed 20min of Lupe's show. As we got to the seats, I could look up and around and see nothing but moving bodies, arms waiving, and glow sticks moving around like fireflies. Unfortunately I missed out on N.E.R.D.'s performance cause I got stuck in line buying shirts. Made it in time for Rihanna's act which was actually pretty good. I expected her sequence to be not as entertaining, but she proved me wrong. and then KANYE's performance. Seriously, no words to discribe how imaginatively talented this dude is. IT'S INSANE. He truly does know how to be a performer, and deserved the spotlight that night. I'm still on the hunt for his GLITD poster, and I'm hoping someone makes this image into a poster. Shit is so awesome! damn. Kanye you know how to do things big. Fuck those who talk shit.
Another thing, because we had FLOOR SEATS, we were seated right next to the sound/light stage, which was in the back-center of the floor. During Kanye's performance most of the artists came down to watch from the sound/light stage, so I was fortunate enough to see artists such as Pharrell [who gave me a head nod!] and Chad from N.E.R.D., Matthew Santos, Sarah Green, and the beautiful Nikki Jean [who waved back at me!]. OH MAN, that totally made the seats worth it. Wouldn't have traded that moment for anything.
Thanks for inviting me, friends! you guys are awesome! and thanks to Mike for dropping and picking us up!

April 17 [Thursday]:
Didn't do jack shit pretty much. haha. slept, dropped Dru off at his FIRST DAY OF WORK [nice dude! hook it up! haha]. Slept more, woke up and dropped Kristina off at school, then left early to pick Dru up. Took his longboard for a ride around the block of his work since it was a nice day, then he showed up and we headed for the ferry back to Bremer-Dale, where we spent some time at a Cafe, which was relaxing. I was HELLA eaves-dropping [?] in on this conversation of girls right next to me. haha. SHIT! they were talking hella loud, what do you expect me to do? something about BF's and dudes, and some other shit. that was fun. Spent the rest of my night in front of my computer typing up a paper [bleh].

April 18 [FRIDAY!]: This day actually started at 00:00am for me, cause I put my paper off till the last minute, so I stayed up late working on it. Finished half by 5:00am, took a short nap, woke up at 8:15am, and finished the rest of it, printing it as im changing for school and eating half a bowl of cereal. I felt like shit today. not enough sleep and food in my system. RIGHT after class I headed for the GYM to do the CROSSFIT WORKOUT OF THE DAY [see CrossFit Log]. I didn't finish it though, cause I seriously felt like crap, my head was pounding, my mouth was dry, back hurt, and i felt so weak; no energy at all. Moral of that story?.. PAPERS ARE A BITCH, never take Composition. hah.

So now I'm supposed to be getting ready for Seattle again. Another music concert, and probably some drinking with some Seattle-heads. We'll see how this night ends up. Something spectacular happens today tho!
**red band clip**

I expect this movie to do good this weekend, hopefully number 1 for the weekend since all the other movies don't include a half naked KRISTEN BELL, so all other movies this weekend can suck my douche. mmmmmm gross.

April 19 [Saturday]: 11am workout with LOCAL'S GYM. Those in the area, check 'em out. There's going to be a Hooverball Tournament. Never been to one so we'll see how BAD I do.

Other than that, I think that's all I've got for now. So enjoy the weekend, glad you read this far. and hopefully I'll post some pictures up of stuff, because hey, who doesn't enjoy some pictures, right? I know I do. especially the ones where the girls is.. ..

[marc]

Hi there. Miss me?

Quick update: Better. Much Better. I've kept my mind focused on what I have now, rather than what I don't have. And even though the thought is still there, it doesn't bother me as much as it used to. It's like being myself all over again, and doing what I can do for myself until the door of opportunity opens up for that special someone again. Until then, it's time to be greedy :) So on that note..

I want to take this time to thank some people, who've been there when I needed company.

The David's.. Yes, my weird and fun family. It may seem like I'm always wanting to get away and may sometimes feel like I'm never at home, when in actuality I am at home. I only talk about leaving Bremerton because I want to meet new people, not leave my family of course. Why would I want to leave home-cooked meals right when I come home from school? or FREE groceries?! or just that simple family-feeling you get when your around them?.. not me. So thank you for your company. Even you Charity! Even though you're not here, the fact that we get to make fun of you and you can't say anything about it, makes it feel like your here! baaahahahha!

The Fam.. The guys from the Bremer-Dale. Even though I haven't been around to hang out much lately, you guys always make me feel like I'm still part of the group. I hope you guys understand that my absence is just me trying to get my life moving in the direction I want it to go, and I am not trying to leave you guys behind. You guys have been there since day 1, and I know I can look to you guys for some straight up good fun. Don't worry, once I get some cash flow into my wallet, you will see me more often. And if/when I move out to Seattle, you guys are more than welcome to visit! Thanks guys.

The Seattle Crew.. To the new friends I have gained in my recent losses, what else could a guy looking for some new faces ask for?! Foreals. You company is a blessing even when we don't do shit! haha.. but when we do end up going out or making plans, your company is fucking nuts I tell yah. And I know there will be more fun times to come, and hopefully more new faces.. you know what I mean?! hehe.. thanks for letting me crash at your places, letting me tag along in your plans, opening my eyes to a healthier life, and just being there when times were rough. I hope some day I can give back what you guys have given me! and those not in Seattle [Joe, Steph, Dwinson, + more] although we may not see eachother much, you guys rock as much as the Seattle-heads, and I thank you guy too!

So yes, I am back to my norms. Unfortunately, I can not promise this is permanent for my heart likes to act differently than my head does at times. But you all know that I am [somewhat] of a smart person, and that I can handle my shit, no matter what. And I know you guys will either back me up with my decisions or tell me straight up when I'm being an ass.

Upcoming things:
+ More updates on the CrossFit Log; I like CF. it makes me happy.
+ Glow In the Dark Tour APRIL 16th! FLOOR SEATS BABY! pics to come later!
+ Mariners games this season.. yeeeeeuuuuhhh, beer garden :)
+ Spring = More Sun [I hope]! = More outdoor recreational stuff! weeee!
+ Drunkin Seattle stories?? cmon, I'm young.. duh.
+ School stress.. greeeaaaaaat :/
+ New friends.. if you know what I mean ;) ..GIRLS idiot. shit, do I have to draw you a map?!
+ Out-of-State Trips?! hmm.. we'll see.

so see you kiddos next time! oh yeah, IM AWESOME.

[marc]

i can't stop..

for the past few months, i've been trying to move on from a long relationship that ended, and it seems to be going well. except for those few times when i would let my guard down too much and begin to think to myself about what could be. most of the time, im doing good tho. we don't talk very much [rarely actually], and we MAYBE see eachother once in a blue moon, except for just recently.

anyways, i know i shouldn't be thinking about it but the thought sits in the back of my mind constantly, like.... like a tiny smudge on white sneakers; the smudge is hardly noticeable to anyone, but everytime it catches me, i can't stop thinking about it. since this is MY blog, i felt i needed to vent out a little bit more.. as you can see, im slowly creeping away from how i was feeling recently. now the thought doesn't bother me in a sense, but its JUST THERE, yannoe?

so, being my usual self and listening to music and studying [studying may not be usual, but you get the idea], my music was randomly playing when i hear this song. It's great for the moment. or so i think. anyways, this may seem like im only hurting myself by listening to something like this, but honestly it helps me. i used to listen to slow jams when we first broke up, and i ended up alright. so yes.. music, how you take words from my thoughts and put them into lyrics, i envy you.



great song. hope a video comes out for it.. if not this song, then either Role Play or We Should Be. anyways there you have it. theres more on my mind but i think i need to rest up!

[marc]

my dashboard confessional..

Best Day This Week:
Thursday

This Week's Advice:
Your involvement with groups will raise your self-esteem.

Don't fall into the trap.

Keep a lookout for any individuals eager to confront you with unsavory situations.

Try not to discuss important matters with colleagues.

SOURCE

Now typically I wouldn't look at my horoscope, but for some reason I did.. and damn. foreals? The description is close to how I feel already so I'm somewhat believing it.. for now that is. Lately I've been doing some thinking. Actually, I've been doing A LOT of thinking. So much thinking that I'm losing sleep from it. Sunday night I stayed up until 5am tossing and turning in bed, listening to music on my Blackberry, and contemplating if I should have just gotten up and done something, like pushups and squats until my body was too tired to stand or think.

So to this weeks advice.. "Your involvement with groups will raise your self-esteem" ..OF COURSE. Nothing helps more than interaction with others. Doing something to keep my mind off things is a definite plus.

"Don't fall into the trap" .. too late. I wouldn't neccessarily call it a trap, but maybe a "momentary laps of judgement." I expect one thing going into the situation, but come out with a slap in the face.

"Keep a lookout for any individuals eager to confront you with unsavory situations." ..whatever, bring it. either deal with it now, or let the problem grow. Do I come off very blunt? hmm..

"Try not to discuss important matters with colleagues." .. uhh. okay. no discussions. check!

Last week would have been the 7yr anniversary. Right before that day, I caught a ride with her back to Bremerton. The ride was normal; we caught up on how things were and talked about some random things. In the back of my mind I was thinking about us, but I kept it to myself. We grabbed a light snack at a restaurant we used to eat at, and chatted for awhile, then got dropped home. The next day, anniversary day, was just another day of reminder. I couldn't stop thinking about it. It was a long day.

So now I don't know what it is. It's not that I want to be with her [maybe I do, but that's not what bothers me], or that she has a boyfriend, or that things just don't work out for some reason. I think the thing that's been bothering me the most is just the thought of her. I spend my days like I used to when we first broke up, just thinking about her constantly, trying to find things to do to keep my mind off of it. I read somewhere that the only thing that heals a broken heart is time, and that's what helped me the most. I guess that's all I can do.. I want to keep talking to her though, but part of me says "You'll end up back at square one." I dont know.

I don't know where I was going with this, but I just had to get it out of my system. Maybe I can sleep better at nights, or maybe my days will get easier. Either one will suffice.

**update** while typing this, I actually feel some of the weight being lifted off my shoulder. i hope i can sleep!

[marc]